How Do You Empty Yourself Of You?

John 8:32 New International Version (NIV)
32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Those words most definitely also imply the truth about what's in your behavior is sinful, so you can obtain freedom from it. One ugly behavior pattern at a time...

If I asked anyone if they on Facebook or not, it would be an almost ridiculous question – who isn’t on Facebook nowadays?  This is to say, that if you are on Facebook, then you most definitely are familiar with all the fancy ways one can avoid seeing what other people are posting, or being found on Facebook at all for that matter.

Yes, I am talking about blocking people.

Facebook is not the only social network that provides this option, practically all of them do. How I know? Well, I was blocked everywhere I could be blocked – on English sites and Russian sites about a year ago by someone who did not want anything to do with me from that point forward.

That’s how I know.

Of course, there are other people who still can see what that person is posting, who are actually friends with me, and not just on Facebook, in real life too. The intentions are good when they share with me what they see on that person’s timeline (the one who has blocked me everywhere).

I am not opposed to it, and completely understand the sentiment. I have to admit though, that it is painful, but obviously, is necessary, as either some more healing needs to happen in my heart or God just wants me to see His glory once again. I am all for that – I enjoy that very much!

My son told me some time last fall ‘Stop concerning yourself with that person’s life’, but that was before I understood that person’s true motivation for being cruel, vicious and venomous with me, and I really tried to figure that out.

In addition, one of my reasons for seeking a relationship with that person back in spring 2014 was the fact that they are a very young Christian, and I was excited and curious to watch them grow in the knowledge and acceptance of God’s ways. I still am, actually interested in that, if I am honest with myself, painful as it is to be on the receiving end of ungodly behavior in the process (I am not saying that I always behave in God pleasing manner).

Well, God has provided me with a window into what’s going on with that person, ironically, about a month after I finally felt free from pain and emotional attachment to that person. I could not believe that happened a year to the day from the time that person had met their current spouse, but I was glad to see that help was being sought from God, rather than people, in circumstances which I knew would happen.
Yep, marital conflict, that’s what is happening to them. It happens to everyone, it is what each of us chooses to do with it, that’s what matters.

If you are curious, I can tell you that because I have an account with Bible Gateway app, so I get notifications from it about my friends’ activity on the app – well, those who befriended me there, that is. It is the only site that apparently does not have ‘un-friend’ and ‘block’ options (believe me, I tried to find them there) – no wonder though, as God, and His word (the Bible) are all about reconciliation, and not separation of people!!!

If you ever read the Bible, you would know, that at first as you read things like in the image at the top, the tendency is to apply it to someone else’s behavior, and not your own. Been there, done that. However, the more mature we are as followers of Christ, the clearer it is that we are the ones to whom this applies, not other people in our lives. (Yes, this is one of the images from email notifications I got from Bible Gateway app about what my friends do in the app).

Here’s where it becomes relevant to me.

On July 17 I listened to a sermon in my church titled ‘Let The Games Begin’ and later posted some screen shots of the video recording on FB.

It took about 3.5 weeks when the situation for me to act upon what I’ve heard in that sermon presented itself. My friend sent me a text and I decided to give ‘politically correct’ answer instead of saying it like it is (read ‘danced around the bush). She insisted I don’t do that. So I expressed myself clearly right away, but she decided to re-iterate what she said by paraphrasing it. And then again. The images below show the whole conversation.

The punch line is – what you see in the red frame is my knee jerk reaction in similar situations no matter who I talk to. Like my former friend said once – I am the common denominator in those type of situations.

Clearly, this is my hang up. Clearly, that is something other people do, that irritates me, and it is a cue of what needs to change in me. 

I know that the only thing that I control is my response to someone else’s behavior; I don’t have control over other people’s behavior. No one does. They try to manipulate, but it’s all it is – manipulation, not treating others with patience and kindness.

And that is how what I’ve heard in the sermon translates into a change in me. 

I am the one who needs to deal with ‘little girl Larissa’ issues and simply catch myself from reacting in the way I’ve learned about 40 years ago when I first realized, that I am definitely not stupid (to put it mildly).

So the verse from Proverbs 12:16 in the image at the top is definitely about that kind of self-awareness:

We ARE all in control of OUR feelings and actions, and it is foolish to not exercise that God given control.

Once again this morning, when I saw this image arrive into my inbox, I was in awe of God’s glory and how creative He is in delivering ‘get rid of that junk, Larissa’ messages to me. No doubt, there is hope for all of us, if we just listen to God’s messages intensely enough and then simply obey them.

How Do YOU Want To Be Treated?

Luke 6:31 New International Version (NIV)

³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you.

This week I find myself on the other side of the valley of death. That same valley in which our God is definitely with us. If we believe what’s written in His word that is. Looking back I can confidently say, it is true, I can see His hand all over the events of my last 13 months which have been extremely stressful.

It all started on the day which was one of the happiest days of my life, as I found out on that day that my daughter’s life will be exactly what she worked hard for since age 6. Even good stress is still stress, by definition, but that day ended with a bad altercation and deep disappointment when I hit my head on pure selfishness of a person who was very close to me.

We sorted it out the day later (or so it seemed) and life went on, communication was pleasant, although being on the opposite sides of extrovert-introvert spectrum, people are bound to overwhelm one another.

A couple of months passed by and then an unexpected and ugly breakup happened. I don’t think I was ever shut down quite like that in my life ever before, not in my adult life, for sure.

Uncertainty of how company restructuring will pan out for me was added to that stress, and lasted a good while. It all depends on a perspective though, because in the big scheme of things 10 weeks is a very short period of time. But not while you are waiting for answers, NOPE.

Well, I got exactly the answers I wanted regarding situation at work, which is a good kind of stress, of course. And transition from one role to another with simultaneous training of my replacement happened. Like in ‘I was training my replacement by day and doing my work by night’.

I don’t think I was ever as tired by the end of my transition, 10 more weeks later. Not even when I was much younger raising my two children completely and utterly alone, working my job by day and doing gigs by night. Those were the times when my friend had to hold me by hand and walk me across the street, because letting me do it by myself was dangerous – that’s how tired and disoriented I was.

But this time, 23 years later I was in much worse shape. In addition to physical exhaustion I could not let the memories of the break up go, as much as I wanted to, because as I realize now, I simply needed to understand why it was so cruel, vicious and venomous. What was it in my behavior in that relationship that warranted it? I certainly did not see the reason. My peace was not complete without much needed clarity in this matter.

Needless to say, I was really looking forward to this season of my life to end, hopefully by the end of 12 months. Amazingly, God came through and showed me, that I was simply a constant reminder of guilt the other person had in their life. That’s it, simply saying the truth caused me so much pain. But that is alright, because I know that I am supposed to do what God wants me to do in every situation. In the case of that relationship He just wanted me to be His messenger with a message of truth. God is awesome!

Now that I understood the reasons for someone else’s behavior, I needed to figure out why I took yet another chance to tell the truth – in particular, to warn another person, that they were about to move into a very emotionally charged relationship, with practically a guarantee that they will be on the receiving end of that same fury and viciousness as soon as their opinions differ, because unresolved guilt always causes misplaced anger.

It took me some time last Monday afternoon, but the answer is absolutely crystal clear for me: if I were about to get myself into a dangerous relationship, most definitely I would want someone, preferably a person who has credibility with me, who knows my partner well, like a family member or a very close friend, to give me a very graphic picture of how that relationship would look like for me, because my partner treats all people like that, including those he/she loves dearly.

Hence the title for this post – I would want to be treated like that – I would want to hear honest truth, I would want someone to care enough about me, to warn me that I am about to step off the cliff.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

So I did – I want people to tell me the truth, and I will start first – I will tell the truth even if it is a very painful one. Now they can make an educated decision to step off that cliff or not, now they do have choice, because they have been informed that the choice is available.

Do You Really Want THE JOB?

I had a conversation with a 72 year old lady who I frequently work out with at my YMCA that went like this:

She: Do you get lonely?

LARISSA: No, not really.

She: I date. I want to find a man whom I can marry.

LARISSA: Do you really want the job?

She: (silence with a blank stare)

LARISSA: You understand it’s a job, right?

She: I don’t mind cooking every now and then. But I like to eat out. (with a smirk in her eye) - I am a night partner, you know what I mean, right?

LARISSA: Do you realize that the purpose of marriage is not to get pleasure but to serve the other? That’s what it was designed for.

She: If he is a nice person and is considerate, I don’t mind serving.

LARISSA: You are missing the point. There are no ‘ifs’. It does not matter if they follow through with the commitment to serve you. You are going into a marriage to serve the other. Period.

She: I can do laundry, I don’t mind cleaning occasionally...

LARISSA: Do you know that women in general live longer than men?

She: Oh really?

LARISSA: Which means, the older we are, the less men of the right age are available. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being a nurse to someone?

She: I want to meet someone who is kind, considerate, friendly, and rich.

LARISSA: Men like that are already taken. Only those who don’t want to take care of themselves are out there. That is exactly the reason they are still available.

She: I was dating this guy. We used to talk on the phone a lot. One day during our conversation on the phone I told him that I don’t have any money. He hang up on me.

LARISSA: Yep.

She: I still want to find a nice man to date. Wait a second, (as she glanced at the TV screen) - here’s something horrible on the news!

So, she proceeded watching the news and I could not help but think: Is it any wonder that young girls dream about something that marriagewas never designed to give them, when a mature 72 year old is still thinking about marriage in terms of ‘prince charming and happily ever after’?

Surely, there is nothing wrong with teaching our girls tolook for love in a relationship with a man. But what really the word ‘love’ means in this context? What does it look like?

Don’t get me wrong, it took me a lot of years, three failed marriages, and conclusion that I am simply not a wife material before I actually decided to find out what is it that marriage is for.

You might not know this about me, but I am a Christian, I believe in God the Father who created me for His glory and Who has designed a marriage relationship. He knows exactly what the purpose of that relationship is.

He is the one who has shown me through a very talented pastor what love which we all search for looks like, as it relates to choosing a person to date and to eventually marry, so that children might be born into that relationship and be raised in love.

How I wish that I knew about marriage at 20 what I know now! 

I am neither regretful nor desperate. 

I have a strong desire in my heart to teach young girls who are around 10-11 years old, may be, what exactly they need to be looking for in every single young man, as they grow into young ladies who’s heads are filled with dreams about their future.

For now though, I will share with you about how love looks like, what became a revelation for me very recently, and hope it will speak to your heart as much as it did to mine.

The most unexpected fact about the passage below is the first way love manifests itself. When I first saw it – I mean really understood what those lines mean, I was completely blown away. I’ve underlined it for emphasis.

Here it is:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I am not sure if you are familiar with this passage of scripture at all, but 3 verses right before the passage above say this (my loose translation): None of our accomplishments matter, if we do not love like that. That’s God’s opinion – as the Holy Scripture is His words.

That statement is so heavy…

I tried to read verses 4-7 from 1 Corinthians 13 replacing ‘love’ with ‘if you are’ and inverting positive statement into negative and vice versa – the conclusion at the end of the passage was shocking – ‘then you don’t love’.

Makes me wonder, what exactly people who marry for love mean when they say to one another ‘I love you’… 

Well, I was one of those people – 3 times, so I am definitely not pointing fingers here...

Jak The Schnauzer Has Left Us Today

Jak lived in my family since the day he turned 3 months old, 13 years, 6 months and one day. He would have been 14 years old on June 16, 2016.

Here is his picture on his 13th birthday, June 16, 2015

I groomed him that day and right in the middle of the haircut which I admit, both of us always hated to do, he just collapsed because his little legs got so tired. That's when I knew that he would not make it to his 14th birthday.

Back in Russia in 1983-1986 I worked in the biggest library in Perm area in the department of foreign languages and one day I came across a beautifully illustrated book about different pure breeds of dogs. That's when I saw a picture of a Miniature Schnauzer for the first time in my life, and it was love at the first sight. 

The father of my children and I had trouble conceiving and wanted children so very much. It was nerve wracking and in October 1986 we agreed that if the next month we were not pregnant, we would get a Miniature Schnauzer puppy. We got pregnant, did not have time and energy for a puppy and now I have two wonderful young people for children.

When after moving to US in 2000 we were 'discovering' the country, and moved for jobs to Alpharetta, we paid a visit to a Petland store where they let people play with puppies in little rooms. Excellent marketing tactic. That's where we saw this little male Mini Schnauzer who all 3 of us started playing with right away. We decided to call him Jack. My husband at the time asked me 'do you want him?' Without a second of delay I said 'YES' - what kind of question that is anyway? That was September 16, 2002 and our new puppy went home with us that evening. Later we found out that his father's name was Jak (abbreviation for Just Another Kirkland - the breeder's family name was Kirkland), and decided to register our puppy with that same spelling. 

So now you see how special was my Jak - I waited for him 16 years. He was such a good dog! He loved riding in the car and traveled with us to New Orleans, North Myrtle Beach, Chapel Hill, Englewood, FL. 

(Englewood, FL November 23, 2007)

Always waited for me to come home and met me with excitement and a stuffed toy in his mouth ready to play with me. When he was much younger that is. But even a couple of days ago I saw him do the same thing even though he was moving slowly and looked very disoriented being so old, weak and miserable.

He could not clime stairs since September and I carried him upstairs for the night. He moved less and less and stayed in his bed longer and longer.

About five weeks ago when I came home form work I found him completely helpless in his bed, his breathing was shallow and labored. I thought I would lose him that night, but he continued to struggle to breathe and deteriorated it seemed daily. Soon he started having seizures which lasted about a minute but were not frequent. Within last two weeks his condition became significantly worse, and yesterday I did research on pet euthanasia.

I read about making a decision to euthanize your pet on the first site I visited and realized two things: 

• Jak has run out of life, he had only painful miserable existance left for him 
• I am the only one who can have mercy on my dog

It is often tempting, at this point, to postpone a decision still longer by deciding to "let nature take its course." Before choosing that course of action (or inaction), however, it's important to understand that, as a pet owner, you have been thwarting the "course of nature" from the beginning. By ensuring that your pet has food and shelter and is protected from predators, you have already guaranteed that nature will not take its course. By providing medical treatment, you have prolonged the life of your pet far beyond what it could have expected if left to "nature." In nature, an animal that becomes too ill to obtain food or protect itself will perish quickly, though not necessarily comfortably. 

Nor does nature necessarily offer an "easy" death even if you choose to let it "take its course" in the comfort of your home. An animal that cannot breathe easily, cannot eat or digest food properly, cannot control its bodily functions, and can scarcely move or enjoy human contact because of pain, is hardly dying "comfortably."

I called around and made my choices of places to use services at. An appointment was made for 10:30AM on March 18, 2016 and we had one last night and morning to spend together.

Jak crawled over me in the middle of the night and slept in my left arm pit like he did as a puppy. He spent the rest of the night there with his head on my chest.

Before we left I walked him one last time but all he did was have a seizure once outside ...

For his last meal I hand-fed him steamed broccoli which I only recently discovered he loved and a whole banana. His belly was full. I also gave him a Milk bone treat right before I handed him to the technician at Humane Society, which he hungrily grabbed.

The picture in the car was taken about 20 min before he passed away. When the technician first saw him, she asked if he was conscious - yes, he was, and that's how he looked...

They wrapped Jak's bed with his body in it in their own blanket and I thought it was good that the injection was made without us present. 

When we arrived to the pet crematorium they offered us to say good by to the body and actually it felt good to see him so peaceful. 

Strangely enough it was comforting to feel his soft warm little body under my hand...

The pic in his bed in a basket was taken at the crematorium before they made a clay paw print for us (my daughter asked for one with just ink on paper, but this is what they do for pet owners). The picture above is how my son and I saw Jak for the last time.

In the last 6 months Jak was very far from being the dog in the video (September 2013), I had to let him go.

I went through his belongings and chose a couple keepsakes. I looked through all of my photographs and put all of pictures of Jak with his Pedigree and his Petco sweater. I paid a visit to his vet and provided them with paperwork for Jak's final services so they can close his file and archive it.

I will ship his paw print to my daughter tomorrow, I am glad that we took both Jak and my new cat Cynthia with us when we visited her last Christmas, when Jak looked like this and did not bother to play with Cynthia.

(December 25, 2015)

(November 2015 with Cynthia, my cat)

I made a decision to write this post because just one picture on Facebook will not be enough for me, I had a very special dog with a very special story.

We all loved Jak very much. He lived with us since the day he turned 3 months old, 13 years, 6 months and one day. He was 13 years, 9 months and one day old.

Here's my sweet loving protective Jak The Schnauzer when he was younger and strong.

Rest In Peace Jaky-Pooh...

(March 2012)

(January 2011)

(January 2011)

(June 2010 with Ginger-Snap, my daughter's kitten)

(August 2012)

(June 2012)

(March 2015)

(June 2014)

(February 2014)

(December 2013)

(November 2013)

(July 2013)

(July 2013)

(June 2013)

(June 2013)

(June 2013)

(May 2013, North Myrtle Beach)

(September 2011)

(October 2009)