Looking back now, I clearly see that my third marriage was destined to be a failure.
I was madly in love and refused to see red flags, which were plenty.
However, if I think about it - I was still recovering from the shock of the reality, that one of the people I worked with at the time, led me to believe that he was interested in my romantically - he did that for quite some time.
Yet when we were together and alone, it was just like two friends were hanging out. There was gossip about work, which did not interest me at all. There was talk about my children and his son. And there were vague plans of vacations together. All of that to only finally realize, that all he ever wanted is for me to do his work for him...
To get that mess out of my head, I went to ballroom dancing school. I love ballroom dancing - took a whole season (9 months, I believe) when I was in high school. My mother wanted me to learn how to move gracefully - I am tall and have a wide frame, so I really needed the skill.
Anyway, my affair with ballroom dancing lasted about seven months, by the end of it I kept telling myself 'well, to actually dance at Friday night dance parties at the studio (because that's what I paid money for) I had to be really quick to get up and ask one of the men for a dance, otherwise other women would be dancing and I would be sitting enjoying the view'.
Don't get me wrong, the entertaining value is there, but I wanted to dance, not just watch other people dance when I started taking classes and going to Friday night parties back in the fall of 2009. I did not particularly like any of the men there, AND I had to compete with other women to have a chance to dance with them. It just stopped making any sense to me.
Right about that time I met my third ex. He is 7' tall and was very interested in me. Only me.
So back to my post title. After seven months of dating and acting regularly the way we regretted later, and numerous discussions and resolutions to just 'stop it', we realized that we either need to break up or get married.
We got married. Despite my daughter's strong opposition, I did it - I said 'yes' and became a married woman again.
I know now that I made a mistake back then.
I could have chosen to break up, the more so that four days before the proposal when I returned home from an 11 days long trip together across America I thought without any drama in my heart and head 'this is a perfect time to break up - we have not hurt each other yet'.
I corrected that mistake 3 years later - I kicked him out. Then after divorce was final and he was able to fulfill the judge's orders in the divorce decree, a long process of removing his belongings from my place followed. ...With some friendliness, then with some passion.
Before I knew it, we were back at it doing the same thing we did while dating in 2010... There was no discussion and there were no resolutions to stop it. Then on April 12 he said that he wants to just be friends (not 'friends with benefits') - like we don't know that we can't do it.
The moment he said that, I subconsciously realized that it was the same choice - to get married or break up. I made the right choice this time around. I know I failed on December 3, 2010 - however, I FAILED UP.
I did not do the same stupid thing, I walked away. I got to keep my freedom this time around.
P.S. I know the book 'Fail Up' is about successful career based on learning on one's mistakes (failing up), but I strongly believe the principle applies to life in general too.
I was madly in love and refused to see red flags, which were plenty.
However, if I think about it - I was still recovering from the shock of the reality, that one of the people I worked with at the time, led me to believe that he was interested in my romantically - he did that for quite some time.
Yet when we were together and alone, it was just like two friends were hanging out. There was gossip about work, which did not interest me at all. There was talk about my children and his son. And there were vague plans of vacations together. All of that to only finally realize, that all he ever wanted is for me to do his work for him...
To get that mess out of my head, I went to ballroom dancing school. I love ballroom dancing - took a whole season (9 months, I believe) when I was in high school. My mother wanted me to learn how to move gracefully - I am tall and have a wide frame, so I really needed the skill.
Anyway, my affair with ballroom dancing lasted about seven months, by the end of it I kept telling myself 'well, to actually dance at Friday night dance parties at the studio (because that's what I paid money for) I had to be really quick to get up and ask one of the men for a dance, otherwise other women would be dancing and I would be sitting enjoying the view'.
Don't get me wrong, the entertaining value is there, but I wanted to dance, not just watch other people dance when I started taking classes and going to Friday night parties back in the fall of 2009. I did not particularly like any of the men there, AND I had to compete with other women to have a chance to dance with them. It just stopped making any sense to me.
Right about that time I met my third ex. He is 7' tall and was very interested in me. Only me.
So back to my post title. After seven months of dating and acting regularly the way we regretted later, and numerous discussions and resolutions to just 'stop it', we realized that we either need to break up or get married.
We got married. Despite my daughter's strong opposition, I did it - I said 'yes' and became a married woman again.
I know now that I made a mistake back then.
I could have chosen to break up, the more so that four days before the proposal when I returned home from an 11 days long trip together across America I thought without any drama in my heart and head 'this is a perfect time to break up - we have not hurt each other yet'.
I corrected that mistake 3 years later - I kicked him out. Then after divorce was final and he was able to fulfill the judge's orders in the divorce decree, a long process of removing his belongings from my place followed. ...With some friendliness, then with some passion.
Before I knew it, we were back at it doing the same thing we did while dating in 2010... There was no discussion and there were no resolutions to stop it. Then on April 12 he said that he wants to just be friends (not 'friends with benefits') - like we don't know that we can't do it.
The moment he said that, I subconsciously realized that it was the same choice - to get married or break up. I made the right choice this time around. I know I failed on December 3, 2010 - however, I FAILED UP.
I did not do the same stupid thing, I walked away. I got to keep my freedom this time around.
P.S. I know the book 'Fail Up' is about successful career based on learning on one's mistakes (failing up), but I strongly believe the principle applies to life in general too.
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